Monday, 15 September 2014

Just because I can….

"Listen, we have to stop doing these tobacco sponsored modelling jobs - we're starting to look like cadavers."

"I tell you, my corset's so tight I can't breathe and I think my stomach just emptied into my lungs."

Woman thinks: "Lord I'm so bored. I can't wait to get this stupid hat off. Why did I wear this hat? Her hat looks so much more stylish. Look at her pretending to be interested. Why did I wear this stupid hat? How long did he say this journey took?"

Man : "and on the 157th day we sailed round this bit …"

"Do you think if we stare at him hard enough we can put him off his stroke and get out of here early?"

"Hope so. My bum hurts. These marble seats are all very well aesthetically speaking but they're damned uncomfortable."

"I know. How come he gets a proper chair?"

"God my feet hurt. These seats are hard. I tell you, it's the last time we do one of these product placement gigs. You can tell that Carrick whatshis name to shove it next time."

"Does my bum look big in this?"

"I wonder if I look as bored and pissed off as I feel?
I know I've said it before, but never again - I've had it with this product placement schtick. 
If this moron beside me says 'absinthe makes the heart grow fonder' one more time I swear I'll shove that bottle up his nose.
I could have been a lawyer. Or a jockey. I like horses. Maybe a surgeon. Or a florist. Flowers are nice.
I wish this stupid painter would hurry up, how long can it take?
I'm hungry. You'd think they'd provide some food but no, just the booze and fags.
I wish he'd hurry up, it's not as if it's high art - they only want it to publicise how feckless the poor are.
A governess maybe. Or an explorer. I'd really like to be an explorer."

"If he doesn't shut up I swear I'm going to stuff this rag right down his pompous throat."

Man: "Look, can you concentrate on this please."

Woman: "I'm sorry but there's a man in doorway staring at us. Who are you? You're a painter? Oh, ok."

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