Monday, 27 October 2014

It's Labour Day …...

It's Labour Day and a large number of my fellow Kiwis see it as nothing more than an oddly named public holiday. Useful idiots declare that the battle between employer and employee is over, unions are obsolete and we should keep the public holiday but rename it. Debtors' Day perhaps.

Clearly capitalism and its agents are not as convinced the battle is over hence the on-going demonisation of Trade Unions and the left in general and the constant rewriting of history.  I was pleased to read Rodney Hide's piece of mean-spirited, ahistorical claptrap because I collect examples of right-wing dogma that confirm the theory that conservatives tend to be "low effort" thinkers who, when they run out of facts and logical arguments, simply make stuff up. 

Hide is right in one respect – Parnell's historic victory was labour market forces at work.  There was a shortage of skilled labour in the colony and a lot of the possessors of that labour had voyaged to the ends of the earth to escape the grossly unbalanced and class-riven labour market in Britain.  Parnell and others like him had both the desire and the means to dictate how and when they would work.

And it was not just skilled labour that had an edge. The bleats of outrage from those whose privileged lives rested on the backs of agricultural and domestic labourers waft down through history. They convey outrage over the fact that the shortage of labourers, or their ability to acquire the means of their own means of subsistence, meant workers could demand higher wages and – horror of horrors – walk out on bad employers. 

Had there been a surfeit of carpenters in 1840, Parnell could never have set his own limits to his working day and it would never have become the custom and practice for the colony. Nor would that customary 8 hour day have passed into law if organised labour had not fought hard for it. 

There is NO example of capitalism proffering or even freely yielding progressive concessions to workers. Concessions have always had to be wrested from its miserly grasp by organised labour and its allies. Any concessions that have been easily won have had some longer-term pragmatic or strategic advantage for the capitalist class.

Britain's abolition of the slave trade in 1807 is a case in point. The abolition, which is often touted as one of the few "perfectly virtuous acts in the history of nations", was actually more the result of technological advances and the loss of Britain's American colonies and the desire to deprive the Americans of a supply of new slaves.  

That was why Britain initially abolished only the slave trade and why it deployed the Atlantic Squadron to stop slave traders from other countries. It's why many of the prominent British abolitionists were against the trade in African slaves but for the retention of the institution of slavery in the colonies. It's why it took another 24 years for slavery in Britain's colonies to be abolished, and why 'freed' slaves had to work a further 4 years for nothing, and why slave owners were massively compensated by the State. It's also why the British State was later happy to support and supply the Confederacy during the American Civil War.

The political and economic advantages of abolishing the slave trade coalesced with the fear of popular insurrection – both of slaves in the colonies and, importantly, of workers at home. There was a rising revulsion amongst the affluent and educated middle class against slavery, and working class people saw a parallel between slavery and the reality of their own oppressed lives.  When the anti-slavery movement began to coalesce with the emerging working class movement it became too great threat.  At the same time as he was opposing the slave trade, history's poster boy for abolition, William Wilberforce, actively supported legislation that outlawed radical and trade union organisations.

The simple fact is that, when and where it suits, capital will exploit whoever and whatever yields most profit – without compunction or thought of consequences. That is the business of business and it invariably results in various forms of counter pressure from those who are being exploited and those who want to protect the exploited.  

That struggle between capital and labour was and remains the primary market force. It changes its clothes, it relocates and remodels itself but strip it of its ideological accoutrements, and it's still there, essentially unaltered.

207 years after the trade in African slaves was abolished in Britain, slavery still exists in direct and indirect forms. We live in a world in which the obscenity of the trafficking of human beings, including tiny children, as slaves and sex objects, is facilitated by the same extraordinary technological advances that have enabled the resurgence of an utterly rapacious and aggressive corporate capitalism.

It is those same forces that are busy turning the social clock back in NZ.  Employers want, and courtesy of a compliant state, get maximum "flexibility" of working hours to minimise "down time" in production or provision of services, and longer working days on basic pay rates to maximise the return on the "investment" of employee related overheads and on-costs. 

The NZ state – acting as the obedient servant of corporate interests – sold off the telecommunications wing of the NZ Post Office for peanuts. Politicians and civil servants, aided by the media, sold that economic absurdity to the populace with the lie that it would yield better value for consumers and the wealth from the increased profits and dividends paid out to investors in a free market would trickle down to the base.  

Thirty years later we have seen that product of social capital divided further and new tranches of shareholders and technocrats seek to maximise profits by divesting themselves of the costs of directly employed staff. They achieve this via the use of independent contractors based overseas in lower pay economies, and domestically via the creation of self-employed contractors who have to absorb their own employment costs. The savings to the corporation are not passed on to the consumer in the form of reduced bills but continue to flow up to the already grossly overpaid technocrats and shareholders.  

Those domestic workers, once directly employed, unionised and on collective pay and conditions, are left isolated, responsible for their own insurance, health and safety, taxes etc. Nominally "free", they are actually between an employment rock and a hard place – tied by a one-sided, individually negotiated contract to sell their labour to a single buyer. They have only the appearance of the economic freedom and self-mastery we all crave.  In essence, they're little different from Welsh slate miners who leased a patch of a quarry and were paid piece rates by the quarry owner. 

The ideological icing on the corporate cake is the rebranding of these self-employed workers as part of a new affluent and aspirational "middle NZ" to which both major political parties have to appeal.  We are told that this new middle New Zealand doesn't have the same concerns as the old working class. They actually do. They may not realise it but they will when the pressure to extract profit drives their jobs offshore. 

What capital has done – stripped of all its ideological puffery – is turn the clock back to the time when industry could hyper-exploit by paying workers as little as possible, stretching the working day to as long as possible, ignoring or bypassing health and safety and environmental controls as much as possible, and make workers responsible for as much of the costs of their own employment as possible.

What is wanted from the major political parties is a seamless service to corporate capitalism.  The tribal colours and anthems of the parties may differ, indeed that's necessary to maintain the fiction of social democracy, but what matters is that business gets to do what it wants, maximise profits for the increasingly select few. 

Only a fool or a rightwing ideologue (synonymous in many instances) can fail to understand why the first items on the monetarists' agenda in the 1980s were the undermining of organised labour and the freeing up of capital to shift it to places where profits could be maximised through lower pay and conditions etc.  Only a callous idiot denies the ugly reality that the extremes of capitalist exploitation – child labour, convict labour, indentured and even enslaved labour – still exist in the 21st century, just not here, yet. 

The first industrial workers in Britain were pauper women and children who worked extreme hours in extreme conditions mass producing cloth which, in comparison to the finely woven, delicate materials used to produce the clothes and furnishings of the rich, was low quality. It was intended for the domestic masses and for export to the colonies.

Capital was happy to exploit small children and women in mines and mills until it was more expedient to employ the increasing numbers of men being "liberated" from agricultural and small scale artisanal production. Changes in agricultural and industrial production methods met a rising tide of middle class revulsion with the ugly realities of the hyper-exploitation of very young children, and the notions of human rights and civil liberties which made unemployed, disenfranchised men a potentially subversive force.

Some industrialists and especially the mine owners fought against the Factory and Mines Acts which restricted the age and hours of employment of children – and wailed about the threats to their profits – but the market forces of the time tilted in favour of large scale mass production employing skilled and semi-skilled men. The costs of the plant and the intensive use of labour were offset by economies of scale and continual suppression of pay and conditions. 

Large scale industrial production today is rare in the first world and where it exists it's increasingly mechanised and digitised, less and less reliant on direct labour. Mass produced commodities – consumed mostly by the masses – are made in a mix of large scale, highly mechanised factories and small scale, labour intensive factories.  Both, for the most part, are physically located where labour is cheapest and health and safety and environmental controls are weakest.  (1)

Most of the commodities aimed at and consumed by the very rich are, as they have always been, produced by highly skilled artisans and technicians in relatively small scale production units. 

The fashion industry – the rag trade – is a classic example. Most of the clothes and accoutrements of the very rich are as they have always been, hand produced by highly skilled and well remunerated artisans and technicians using the finest of materials. In contrast, the clothes of the masses are made from the cheapest of materials and mass-produced by semi or unskilled workers paid piece rates or barely subsistence wages in very poor working conditions. 

 The poor of the First World borrow money at usurious interest rates to purchase clothing produced by the even poorer workers of the Third World. The shoddiness and poor value of the product is masked by an obsolescence created by seasonal cycles in fashion that are actively promoted by popular media. 

It is a form of madness.

The breaking of the back of organised labour and the con of self-employment in the domestic market has facilitated the gradual break down of many of the wider social advances that had been won by organised labour and its allies. The padding of the pay packets of the middle class, and the legitimation of living with perpetual debt has ensured increased consumption of commodities and services produced/provided by overseas based companies.  

The varying degrees of isolation in the working lives of many people is matched by the increasing isolation and alienation of their social lives. Bill Gates' vision of nuclear families living increasingly individualised and separated existences inside their computerised domestic units is an asocial nightmare.  We are, above ALL ELSE, social animals – profoundly, inescapably social. Outside broad-based family structures and wider associations within viable communities we are weakened – often to the point of being rendered helpless. 

And all the while that industrial and finance capital was tightening its throttle hold on the neck of organised labour – it allowed certain domestic human rights and civil liberties. 

But more of that in a later post.

  1. Ever ready to grab new sources of profit, industry has linked up with the coercive wing of the state to utilise convict labour. At its most nakedly exploitative in the USA, the state funded prison provides the facilities for production as well as the labour which it sells to the company for less than the cost of its subsistence - which is covered by the state. The state enacts a variety of local and federal laws to imprison a tranche of abled bodied young men for whom  there are no jobs because the state has allowed capital to relocate offshore to maximise private profits; the state then hires out the publicly funded facilities  and convict labour at below subsistence which enables the corporation to extract even greater levels of profit. Voila!

Friday, 24 October 2014

The Age of Cupidity

I've been trying to publish a post for the past couple of weeks.  Although I have several in draft form, when I try to finish them I find myself overwhelmed by a deep lassitude – an uncharacteristic gloom which is only relieved by riding my bike, mowing the lawn or attacking weeds in my garden. If I could find a way of combining all three I might be onto something.

This lack of mental vitality is unusual for me given I'm a person who has robust opinions and a strong drive to express them.  

I blame it on Twitter.  

And John "just call me Prez" Key. 

And that good mate of his to whom he has never spoken whilst wearing his Presidential hat.  

And the media, large parts of which are downright embarrassing and only saved from total ignominy by the efforts of a few excellent writers –  including the one who is currently being harassed by the police.  

In protest against said harassment I shall cease calling the police a 'service' and revert to calling it a 'Force' (which is what Greg "Just call me Chief" O'Connor wants it to be.)  

I am reminded of a Euan McColl song about the UK police – written during the Miner's Strike :

'Remember the chap in the comical hat,
'Is one of humanity's crosses, 
"Wherever there's trouble, whatever the struggle, 
"He'll be on the side of the bosses.'

My gloom was deepened by waking up in the middle of the night with a song on a perpetual loop in my head. It's a song I've always disliked – and the bloody thing was still with me when I woke up this morning.  So, in an attempt to rid myself of the pesky, beady, hairy thing, and in lieu of any other way of declaiming about some aspect of this troubled and troubling world, I've rewritten the lyrics.

Age of Cupidity

When tycoons are in the ascendancy,
And capital aligns with greed,
Then war will guide the planet,
And hate will steer the deed.

This is the dawning of the Age of Cupidity,
The Age of Cupidity,
Cupidity! Cupidity!

Disharmony and unawareness,
Indifference and doubt abounding,
More falsehoods and derisions,
Leaden-living nightmare visions,
Venality's revelation
And freedom's last inhalation.


Cupidity! Cupidity!

When tycoons are in the ascendancy,
And capital aligns with greed,
Then war will guide the planet,
And hate will steer the deed.

This is the dawning of the age of Cupidity
The age of Cupidity,  Cupidity,  Cupidity,
Cupidity, Cupidity.

Let the rain fall, Let the rain fall down, Let the rain fall …..etc


Friday, 26 September 2014

Labour too far to the Left - yeah Right.

My reply to a piece on the Daily Blog 

There’s a lot of moaning from the MSM about being blamed for the election outcome. With a few exceptions, they deserve the slaps but, while they played an important role – we can’t avoid the fact that some members of Labour’s caucus shot Cunliffe in both feet, engaged in a lot of lazy running themselves, and are now blaming him for Labour losing the race.

You could be forgiven for thinking that they threw the election so they could sacrifice him and get back to business as usual – turning the LP into a NZ version of the US Democratic party.

We have a poorly unionised workforce in an increasingly low wage economy that rests on a narrow and precarious base of extractive industry and cash crop agriculture, viticulture and horticulture. A lot of people are doing very nicely – able to afford to live the individualised, digitised lives of Bill Gates’ asocial vision – a lot of others are struggling to stay afloat and some are drowning.

Traditional working class jobs haven’t disappeared from the planet, they’ve been moved to places where the costs of production are lower, i.e. lower wages and conditions, poor H&S and environment controls etc. The only way corporates will bring those jobs back is if those costs are reduced here so they can extract the same levels of profit.

For the corporates, the means to that end are maintaining :
  • a large pool of unemployed;
  • a low paid ‘service’ class;
  • a massively indebted working class (which includes everyone whose only means of living is by exchanging their labour – be that by hand or brain – for a wage); and,
  • an affluent buffer class which includes the upper echelons of the public service and the media, and rightwing professional politicians.
This stratum of people have a vested interest in maintaining the manifestly unfair and unjust status quo and to ensure that the state’s service to the corporates is seamless.

When you drag political discourse back to the Right and redefine the Centre, you also redefine the Left. Moderate, totally unremarkable and easily achievable structural changes that would be as socially beneficial as the Right’s structural changes of the 1980s were destructive, are labelled as ‘far-Left’ and unrealistic. The way that message is conveyed is, for the most part, via the mass media which for the most part is owned and controlled by corporates.

The way forward for Labour is: to challenge that control of the media through support for a non-partisan well funded public broadcasting, and by creating its own voice; and, to rebuild its membership and supporter base. It has too small a membership and lacks National’s big bucks to compensate for that.

The only way Labour would attract the big bucks is by continuing to betray domestic labour in favour of international capital. It simply cannot compete as a Labour Party worthy of the name unless there is mass participation at the base which in turn demands accountability from its democratically elected leaders.

(edited to fix layout)

Monday, 22 September 2014

Post-election blues

Frank Macskasy has written an interesting piece on the Daily Blog about things Labour needs to take away from this election.

Some people picked him up on his claim that National has not increased its vote over 2011, pointing out that the special votes have yet to be counted.  Although National may increase its vote once all the specials have been counted,  it's unlikely its percentage of the votes cast will increase significantly. 

And there's still the missing million – the 8.7% of eligible people who are not enrolled and the 23.2% who were enrolled but did not vote. Just under a third of people who could vote chose not to – resulting in the 3rd lowest turnout in 100 years.  

National's core support was, as always, consistent and obedient. They turned out and did as they were told, including voting tactically.  The right's strategy to maximise its vote and discourage opposition voters is working well and what counts as the left in NZ seems powerless to counter it. 

About 1 in 3 NZers voted for a party that was deeply implicated in a series of scandals which, in most countries, would have resulted in electoral failure.  I hoped it wouldn't but thought it was likely that National would be able to form a government, but the outcome was so unexpected as to leave some people convinced of voter fraud.

The morally-challenged National supporter who boasted on his Facebook page about having found a way to vote multiple times, and the "vote-National" tweets on election day from prominent athletes to tens of thousands of their followers have not helped soothe the conspiracy theorists' brow. That the athletes were from the two sports which featured heavily in National's formal and informal campaigns adds to the mix. 


So what are we seeing here? Why did NZ sashay further to the right with John Key?


I often joke about the Amygdala Brigade but there are studies which support the theory that liberals and conservatives not only think differently but have differences in brain structure.

Political conservatives have been typified as "low effort" thinkers (LETs), and political liberals are "high-effort" thinkers. It's theorised that the former cognitive style dominates in times of threat, social instability and danger and was perhaps the evolutionary 'default' mode. But, of course, without 'high effort' thinking we wouldn't progress. In truth, we all switch between the two but there are people who tend far more towards one than the the other and there are some who are incapable of anything but low-effort thinking.

We can all agree that a lot of New Zealanders react badly to any criticism of their country, however valid it is.  Dirty Politics shook many Kiwis' cosy notion of their country as honest, decent, moderate –  a "mature, sensible and successful'" nation.  Some just trusted Key and shrugged the revelations off as untrue.  Some reacted with anger, anxiety or disgust at Nicky Hager's revelations but that wave of emotion didn't sweep away the perpetrators of the dirty politics. 

With the considerable assistance of a largely compliant mass media (which itself has far too many LETs in its ranks), the wave was directed at the author of the book and the left in general. 

I've met a lot of people who would stake a claim to reason and rationality who declare trenchantly that they will NOT read that book because they don't need to; they know it is, as a manic letter writer in The Press today puts it, "accusations, half-truths, innuendos, smear and lies". 


An ethical and thorough investigative writer and the broad left were accused of engaging in the very dirty politics that had been exposed. It was the purest expression of political spin.

The LETs' emotional state was then heightened by appeals to their (highly selective) xenophobia when the nature of Internet-Mana's Moment of Truth was unveiled and repackaged by National and the media as a group of foreigners (some of them "criminals" and "traitors") who were attempting to hijack our mature, sensible and successful nation's election.

John Key, who is the arch exponent of intellectual and political minimalism, was the teflon-coated port in the ensuing emotional storm.  

But Key's non-stick coating has degraded and is leaking toxins. However much the National Party's spin machine and the MSM pour oil over the damaged surface, stuff will stick. 

Contrary to Josie Pagani's fervent assertion, the forces on the right are not as united as they seem. They're very good at giving the appearance of stability and unity, which is vital given the mindset of their core supporters, but the leaders of National's factions are predatory and would eat each other with as much relish as they display when they tuck into the flesh of Wagyu cattle. 


That dogfight may be triggered when the rock star economy is found dead from an overdose of hype – or mutagenic swede perhaps.

On the question of the Green's failure to vote tactically in Ohariu and Epsom – Labour rejected an offer to work together with them, presumably because the blimps in the Labour party thought a formal alliance would turn off some voters. That was inexplicable to an outsider like me as Labour was always going to need the Greens to form a government and a coordinated strategy was logical and necessary in light of National's plans to manipulate the vote in Epsom again, and Peter Dunne's continuing vulnerability in Ohariu. 

Having been rejected, the Greens could have taken the moral high ground anyway and not stood candidates in Epsom and Ohariu and other strategic seats, but why should they?  And once they'd decided to stand candidates, why should they tell their supporters not to vote for them?   

The fault lies with Labour. Who in Labour I don't know, but Cunliffe is leader and he carries the can for what he's now admitting was a major tactical error. If I was him I'd be looking long and hard at the people who were in favour of rejecting the Green's proposal. 

The Greens then paid Labour back with their statement about Labour's policies needing to be vetted and having a MOU with National. This  meant that what should have been a strong, principled alliance ended up looking like the strained relationship that's "only staying together for the sake of the kids".  

It contrasted badly with National's media-assisted appearance of harmony and unity, and is why that slick piece of ad-man agitprop featuring elite rowers worked so very well. 

On the question of Mana, the decision to ally itself with Internet was always going to end badly in my opinion. It was always going to be hard for people to buy into KDC's  transmogrification – from someone who was the personification of the Wednesday Lotto ad – into a leftwing politico concerned about the impact of mass surveillance on the lives of ordinary NZers. 

But that does nothing to mitigate the unpleasant fact that Labour, with the help of NZ First and National,  took Mana down. Kelvin Davis got into parliament on the back of right wing votes, which may be very apposite, and I suspect Josie Pagani is correct and he'll prove to be a loose cannon in the party. 

A shabby strategy yielded a crappy outcome for progressive politics given the end result is a staunch advocate for ordinary NZers and Maori has been lost to parliament.  Add in Cunliffe's unnecessarily high-handed rejection of Internet and overall it was badly done. 

There's a lot else that borders on the surreal in this election. 

Stuart Nash, who was described by far-Right political strategist Simon Lusk in 2013 as, "an exceptionally gifted politician", won Napier only because Garth 'I love Joe Arpaio' McVicar split the rightwing vote. Nash has said he is considering entering the leadership race along with David Shearer, Grant Robertson and David Parker.  They would all do well to sheath their knives and ask themselves if 2/3rds of the Kiwis who did not vote National either want or need National Lite. 


National's machinations in Epsom resulted in a political neophyte (I'm being kind) getting into parliament with 0.69% of the party vote, while a party that got 4.12% of the vote was left out.  And I was so looking forward to seeing Key having to deal with Craig, Rankin and McVicar.

Winston Peters is swishing around in his mantle of the nation's senior statesman, pontificating about the Green's being the cause of Labour's failure.  If No 3 on NZ First's list – Richard 'Wogistan' Prosser – is a measure of Peters' political integrity and acumen, we needn't take any notice of his opinion.

Finally, what put the mainstream media's role into perspective for me was the counterposing of Matthew Hooton and Josie Pagani as representatives of the political right and left; and the presence of Paul 'tells jokes about infant mortality in the third world' Henry who, judging by his outfit, thinks he's still 15. 


And meanwhile in the real world, there are the still unresolved questions of National's complicity in dirty tactics to influence candidate selection and advance corporate interests; mass surveillance and subservience to global corporate interests; the deep and growing fissures in the body politic. All the spin and slick agit prop in the Right's makeup bag does not change the fact that the overwhelming majority of NZers did not vote for John Key's National Party. 



Saturday, 20 September 2014

Looking through dirty windows into an empty room

A colleague of mine once described how he'd felt when interviewing a particularly nasty person who'd been engaged in some very unpleasant behaviour at work. 

He said that looking into the man's eyes was like, "looking through dirty windows into an empty room."  


I don't know if he'd read that somewhere but I thought it was expressive – all the more so when I later met the man in question. I was as repelled by the person as I was fascinated by what made him behave in such a viciously anti-social way.


I kept recalling some lines from a Euan McColl poem, "Items of News" about the violent deaths of some young people who
"once possessed a singularity beyond the comprehension of their killers, who stare at the camera lens with eyes as blank as bottle tops."
I get that same sense when I venture into the internet gathering places of the lowest of the low-effort thinkers, the storm troopers of the right – the Amygdala Brigade – the sort of people who are rioting in the streets of Glasgow as I write this. 

They're scary. As individuals they're bad enough, in a group, their viciousness can be both contagious and exponential. 


We may feel somewhat buffered from that in New Zealand because we are such a moderate little place. We don't tend to take to the streets in a torrent of drunken, adrenaline and testosterone fuelled belligerence, beat the shit out of anyone who isn't one of us, and try to burn down the offices of a newspaper that offends us. 

But, there is a deep vein of conservatism in NZ which tolerates and, on occasions, encourages extreme views –  and extreme views can lead to extreme acts very easily. 

A somewhat sanitised expression of this deep conservatism can be found in the YahooNZ news poll, which almost always come down with a large majority in favour of a very right-wing response to the issue the poll is addressing. Its location on the YahooNZ website has been changed recently and the numbers voting on it have dropped – which may reflect the number of people who have abandoned the site because it's recently been revamped into an irritating, advert-ridden mess – but the proportions haven't changed.

A few days ago this question was posed on the poll: 
"Are you concerned by illegal mass spying of governments?"
  • Yes, of course (1220)  25%
  • Depends who's being spied on (1013)  21%
  • No, let them do it (2106)  42%
  • I don't care (575)  12%
Key words : MASS - ILLEGAL - SPYING - GOVERNMENT  – and 75% of YahooNZ poll respondents are OK with it. 

A poll the following day on the same issue was more neutrally worded but still reflected the same division – about 1 in 4 thought it is an issue, the rest are ok with it; they don't care, they believe that it's necessary, or they think that if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.


It may be that this poll is inaccurate or it may be that a majority of the people who visit the YahooNZ site are right wing and stupid. I add "stupid" because I know there are some right-wingers who do not think it is a good idea to allow an agency of the state to spy on all its citizens. They're politically aware enough to understand that these agencies develop an internal culture that can lead people within them to behave inappropriately unless they are kept in check by strict policy that has been framed democratically, and that is property applied by the incumbent government.

Just as the heads of the NZ Defence Forces can lose sight of their remit when they're playing with the big boys, so can the nation's spies – the more so because, of necessity, they operate covertly. 


We've had quite a few glimpses through some dirty windows over the past few weeks and the rooms we've looked into are empty of all the things they should contain: ethics, good judgement, compassion, respect, decency. Even common sense has left the building.


We've been given a glimpse of the nature and extent of dirty politicking and the nature and extent of the surveillance state – courtesy of people of courage and integrity who decided it was necessary to clean a bit of the window to allow us to peek inside. 

Without suggesting which party anyone should vote for on this most important of election days,  anyone who hasn't already made up their minds should be voting for the people who will clean the windows, take steps to keep them clean and make sure that the rooms of state are busy with people doing good things for the country as a whole, not just the top 10%. 


Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Just because I can….


"Listen, we have to stop doing these tobacco sponsored modelling jobs – we're starting to look like cadavers."






"I tell you, my corset's so tight I can't breathe and I think my stomach just emptied into my lungs."





Woman thinks: "Lord, I'm so bored. I can't wait to get this stupid hat off. Why did I wear this hat? Her hat looks so much more stylish. Look at her pretending to be interested. Why did I wear this stupid hat? How long did he say this journey took?"

Man : "And on the 157th day we sailed round this bit …"







"Do you think if we stare at him hard enough we can put him off his stroke and get out of here early?"

"Hope so. My bum hurts. These marble seats are all very well aesthetically speaking but they're damned uncomfortable."

"I know. How come he gets a proper chair?"








"God my feet hurt. These seats are hard. I tell you, it's the last time we do one of these product placement gigs. You can tell that Carrick whatshis name to shove it next time."







"Does my bum look big in this?"







"I wonder if I look as bored and pissed off as I feel?
I know I've said it before, but never again – I've had it with this product placement schtick. 
If this moron beside me says 'absinthe makes the heart grow fonder' one more time I swear I'll shove that bottle up his nose.
I could have been a lawyer. 
Or a jockey. I like horses. 
Maybe a surgeon. Or a florist. Flowers are nice.
I wish this stupid painter would hurry up; how long can it take?
I'm hungry. You'd think they'd provide some food but no, just the booze and fags.
I wish he'd hurry up, it's not as if it's high art – they only want it to publicise how feckless the poor are.
A governess maybe. Or an explorer. I'd really like to be an explorer."





"If he doesn't shut up I swear I'm going to stuff this rag right down his pompous throat."





Man: "Look, can you concentrate on this please."

Woman: "I'm sorry but there's a man in doorway staring at us. Who are you? You're a painter? Oh, okay."



Monday, 15 September 2014

Once upon a small blue hill….

A rewrite of a poem for kids I wrote years ago about a turtle….


Once upon small blue hill, 
A haughty PM stood.
He'd forgotten why he stood up there, he only knew he should.

He stood and stood, much time flew past, 
And still he stood, quite still,
Standing on a heap of lies, atop that small blue hill.

At length a horde came up to him, 
In bright and varied guise,
"Why stand you here oh perjured one, beneath these hostile skies?"

"Don't question me," the PM said, 
"At the end of the day I must,
"For there is some design in this, I stand up here on trust."

"You're standing on a pile of lies!"  
The horde cried out in rage,
"You absurdly stupid politico, why don't you act your age?"

"Nonsense," the PM muttered, 
"It's how it's meant to be,
"Besides, I need my pile of lies, they're all I have," said he.

At that the horde cried out aloud, 
And prepared to storm the lies,
They polished up their hows and whens, and sharpened up their whys.

The PM stood defiantly, 
But the ground began to sway -
Then it opened up and swallowed him. 'Twas on election day.


The End.